Thursday, March 27, 2014

Let it Go

I know what popped into your head when you read the title. Unfortunately this is not a post about the amazingly wonderfully awesome movie that is Frozen. 

Please accept this quiz as an apology for the deception: 

Now. Let's get down to business

(Because I know some of you went there. You earned yourselves some cool points!)

I wish I could solve internal conflicts with a song. You know, just like a Disney movie or a really great musical. I'd sing and there would be this really amazing montage to show the progression of time to show my journey. The music would build to a crescendo and when the notes fade, my internal conflict would fade with them. I'd be standing on a mountain (that I obviously climbed during the song) that symbolically represents the conflict I overcame with my hair flowing majestically behind me, having reached total enlightenment. Or whatever. Imagine my immense disappointment when I've just finished singing a song that perfectly describes the conflict of the day with all the emotion and passion I could muster, and then I crack one eye open, peer around, open the other one and....nothing's changed. I still feel conflicted. Laaaaaaaaame sauce. But! I do feel slightly better because singing releases endorphins, and:

Singing releases endorphins , which make you feel instantly happier.
(Not enough of a reason for you to sing?  Here are fourteen more:

Really, I think all conflicts could be solved with a really great song and dance sequence where we all could express our feelings and dreams. I tend to be rather hopeful and naive, sometimes...But it does suck, doesn't it? That we can't solve problems that way?

I think so.

One of my biggest internal conflicts is letting things go. It's so incredibly frustrating to me that I can't make people do what I really feel with every fiber of my being that they should do. Seriously. Why can't they realize how much better off they'd be if they would just listen to me? I mean them no harm. My intentions are pure. Maybe it's the fact that the advice is coming from me. Maybe I'll wear a clever disguise when dispensing advice to certain people. I'll just put on my reading glasses or a cape, and voila! Complete stranger. Really, though.  It's not like I'm just spewing out advice without thinking about it first. I think. I think a lot. 

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I'm always right. I know I'm not. I know my advice isn't some magical solution (like a Disney song) to someone's problem. It's my way of opening a door and inviting the person to tell me more. Why doesn't it work? What would work? Let me help you. Let me walk beside you. 

I'm an introvert (word up to my peeps!) and that makes this whole thing even more maddening. I'm an observer, an analyzer, therefore I can make a lot of connections that other people can't see or necessarily look for. I like to find solutions to a problem. Often times it's like, here...I'm holding out this possible solution to you on a silver platter. Take it. For the love of God, just take it! But they don't and I'm left with a burning desire to just whack them over the head with the sliver platter and storm off in a dramatic fashion. No more solutions for you! Ha! Which would be far more effective if I could just let it go and truly walk away from it.

It's so hard! My personality profile labels me as a "guardian" a "protector" and its kind of true. I'm also the oldest of my siblings, so I think maybe I was born with the protective instinct? Who knows. Either way I hate it when I see someone struggling and I can't fix it. I need to fix it. 

But. I can't. Not always. Some people don't want my help. It just goes in one ear and out the other. They just nod and "mhmm" at what they think are appropriate times, probably wondering when I'm going to shut the hell up. It bothers me waaaaaay more then it bothers them. I'm the one who leaves the conversation with a big ball of frustration that's settled in my chest and literally makes it hard to breathe. A clear sign that I just need to accept the fact that I can't fix everything and everyone? 

Probably. I am, wrestling with that and doing my best to love the person regardless of the fact that it kills me to watch them in their downward spiral. Because in the end it's all I can really do. For my own sake and theirs. Maybe this is all a part of their journey. Maybe my advice has absolutely nothing to do with their journey. Maybe the only way they're going to learn is from their own mistakes. Experience is a great ( and sometimes harsh) teacher, after all.

All I know for sure is that I need to take care of my own assortment of personal problems, take care of myself, so that when/if the time comes that they do want my help, I'll be of sound mind and body to don my cape and do my darndest to save the day! 

I know I'm not the only one with this problem, so I'd love to hear your thoughts/advice. 

Thanks for reading guys. Now go blast your music and sing at the top of your lungs! 

P.S. I got Anna