I'm baaaaaack

I was stuck at a red light on the way home from work, and there was a man sitting on the sidewalk across the busy intersection with his head in his hands and a backpack on the ground behind him. You guys, this was one of he busiest intersections in town, so I was hoping that someone might notice him and stop. But the cars kept racing by, and no one stopped. It was disheartening. What happened to him? Was he hurt? What if no one stopped? How could people just pass him by? I get that maybe some people simply didn't see him, being focused on reaching their destination in the midst of the crazy traffic, but still. It saddened me to think that maybe he was seen, and people just didn't care. Perhaps there were people like me who were a little apprehensive at the thought of approaching a strange man. I mean, you never really know nowadays. It sucks that the world's like that. Anyways, while I was thinking about how I would get over to him, and reassuring myself that IF something DID happen, it would happen on the sidewalk of one of the busiest streets in town (surely someone WOULD notice a kidnap attempt), what had to be a college-aged guy showed up. I watched him walk to the corner to press the crosswalk button, ear buds tucked into his ears, and waited to see if he would ignore the man on the ground. 

He didn't. He noticed him. He took out his ear buds, put the cord around his neck, and approached the man. He said something to him, then offered him a cigarette. I have never wanted to be stuck a red light so much before. I wanted to see what happened next. But what I did see gave me hope. It was reassuring to see that there are people who care enough to approach a stranger down on his or her luck. These little moments are something I truly value. You never know where you're going to find them. 

It's something I've been thinking about ever since I got home over an hour ago, and I just wanted to type it out. I wanted to talk to someone about it, but oftentimes it's hard. I get interrupted a lot, and its frustrating. It's exhausting to keep starting and stopping. You guys. As an introvert, it sometimes takes a lot of effort/energy to talk, so I shut down if I get interrupted. 

That's why I'm back. This is a way for me to "talk" without getting interrupted. Honestly I don't know why I don't blog more. I have thoughts that I need to get out, dangnabbit! That isn't to say that I want a one-sided conversation, so "talk"  back to me! 

Let it Go

I know what popped into your head when you read the title. Unfortunately this is not a post about the amazingly wonderfully awesome movie that is Frozen. 

Please accept this quiz as an apology for the deception:

http://blogs.disney.com/oh-my-disney/2014/03/21/are-you-anna-or-elsa/ 

Now. Let's get down to business

(Because I know some of you went there. You earned yourselves some cool points!)

I wish I could solve internal conflicts with a song. You know, just like a Disney movie or a really great musical. I'd sing and there would be this really amazing montage to show the progression of time to show my journey. The music would build to a crescendo and when the notes fade, my internal conflict would fade with them. I'd be standing on a mountain (that I obviously climbed during the song) that symbolically represents the conflict I overcame with my hair flowing majestically behind me, having reached total enlightenment. Or whatever. Imagine my immense disappointment when I've just finished singing a song that perfectly describes the conflict of the day with all the emotion and passion I could muster, and then I crack one eye open, peer around, open the other one and....nothing's changed. I still feel conflicted. Laaaaaaaaame sauce. But! I do feel slightly better because singing releases endorphins, and:

(Not enough of a reason for you to sing?  Here are fourteen more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/juliapugachevsky/reasons-why-you-need-to-start-singing)

Really, I think all conflicts could be solved with a really great song and dance sequence where we all could express our feelings and dreams. I tend to be rather hopeful and naive, sometimes...But it does suck, doesn't it? That we can't solve problems that way?

I think so.

One of my biggest internal conflicts is letting things go. It's so incredibly frustrating to me that I can't make people do what I really feel with every fiber of my being that they should do. Seriously. Why can't they realize how much better off they'd be if they would just listen to me? I mean them no harm. My intentions are pure. Maybe it's the fact that the advice is coming from me. Maybe I'll wear a clever disguise when dispensing advice to certain people. I'll just put on my reading glasses or a cape, and voila! Complete stranger. Really, though.  It's not like I'm just spewing out advice without thinking about it first. I think. I think a lot. 

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I'm always right. I know I'm not. I know my advice isn't some magical solution (like a Disney song) to someone's problem. It's my way of opening a door and inviting the person to tell me more. Why doesn't it work? What would work? Let me help you. Let me walk beside you. 

I'm an introvert (word up to my peeps!) and that makes this whole thing even more maddening. I'm an observer, an analyzer, therefore I can make a lot of connections that other people can't see or necessarily look for. I like to find solutions to a problem. Often times it's like, here...I'm holding out this possible solution to you on a silver platter. Take it. For the love of God, just take it! But they don't and I'm left with a burning desire to just whack them over the head with the sliver platter and storm off in a dramatic fashion. No more solutions for you! Ha! Which would be far more effective if I could just let it go and truly walk away from it.

It's so hard! My personality profile labels me as a "guardian" a "protector" and its kind of true. I'm also the oldest of my siblings, so I think maybe I was born with the protective instinct? Who knows. Either way I hate it when I see someone struggling and I can't fix it. I need to fix it. 

But. I can't. Not always. Some people don't want my help. It just goes in one ear and out the other. They just nod and "mhmm" at what they think are appropriate times, probably wondering when I'm going to shut the hell up. It bothers me waaaaaay more then it bothers them. I'm the one who leaves the conversation with a big ball of frustration that's settled in my chest and literally makes it hard to breathe. A clear sign that I just need to accept the fact that I can't fix everything and everyone? 

Probably. 

So...here I am, wrestling with that and doing my best to love the person regardless of the fact that it kills me to watch them in their downward spiral. Because in the end it's all I can really do. For my own sake and theirs. Maybe this is all a part of their journey. Maybe my advice has absolutely nothing to do with their journey. Maybe the only way they're going to learn is from their own mistakes. Experience is a great ( and sometimes harsh) teacher, after all.

All I know for sure is that I need to take care of my own assortment of personal problems, take care of myself, so that when/if the time comes that they do want my help, I'll be of sound mind and body to don my cape and do my darndest to save the day! 

I know I'm not the only one with this problem, so I'd love to hear your thoughts/advice. 

Thanks for reading guys. Now go blast your music and sing at the top of your lungs! 

P.S. I got Anna 

On This Edition of WTH? Toilet Talker and the Confused Client

Humans are very strange and gross creatures. Why? You ask. I'll tell you why! 

Today I was using the ladies room and woman in the stall next to me was chatting on the phone while doing her business, if ya'll catch my meaning. Do I want to hear your conversation? Does the person on the other line want to hear you urinate? No. More importantly, can we all say ewwwwwwwwwww!!!!? Seriously. You've made the situation very awkward and uncomfortable, Toilet Talker. I can't even look you in the eye. I'm not an unreasonable person, though. I do understand that there are justifiable reasons for talking on the toilet. Life or death reasons. Being on hold and unable to hang up or you'll lose your place in the cue reasons. Stuff like that. Honestly I don't know why people feel the need to socialize in the stalls. I'm weird. 

Personal question. When you're calling a veterinary hospital, what are your expectations? Because a client asked me if we see cats and dogs there. Really? Really? No. Sorry, sir. We only see thestrals, hippogriffs and the occasional unicorn (I know some of you are grinning right now), but never cats and dogs. We don't see creatures that exist outside of your imagination. We're not that kind of veterinary hospital.  Random side note: Chickens are considered exotic animals. "Dude! I got to see an exotic chicken today!" Said no one ever. 

Lessons learned:

1. Think twice before asking someone to borrow their phone.
2. Use common sense. It's highly likely that your local veterinarian sees cats and dogs. Take a risk and just schedule the appointment! 



Surprisingly that's all I got for now. Leave me comments, dirty jokes, poetry, stuff, anything! 

Resistance is Futile

I firmly believe that you can learn anywhere, anytime, doing anything; life's lessons just sort of creep up on you. Like ninjas.

The location: My house

The time: Completely irrelevant (a.k.a I can't remember)

The activity: Cleaning my fish tank

The toughest part of cleaning the tank is getting the little fellow out of it. He's very good at evading the net. The chase is long. He darts behind his little plastic shark, and he waits. We both do. Who's going to break first? Until I carefully knock his little sharky friend over and begin the chase anew. I talk to him the entire time. "Come on little fishy. This is a good thing," I tell him gently. "You don't want to swim around in this ick filled water forever, do you?" Because it's seriously gross. There's stuff floating on the top. So there I am, baby-talking my fish and trying to convince him to get in the stinkin' net when this thought hits me. I'm just like him. I can totally relate to my fish.

You're probably all like, "WTH?" at this point. Wait for it. Waiiit  for it. It'll make sense. Eventually. Hopefully. So, anyways, my little guy has no clue that I'm chasing him around his tank for a good cause, does he? He doesn't understand that the black net will take him to fresh water. His little fishy memory can't remember all the previous experiences. The net's always a scary thing that chases him around his home. He's happy right where he is, because it's what he knows. It's what he's used to. It's comfortable. To me, in that moment, the net represented change.

Change happens. You can't escape it. You can't always control it. You don't know where it leads. It's flippin' scary sometimes. I see it looming on the horizon and I hold my breath. Why can't I just stay here with the way things are? It's not the best situation, but I'm comfortable in it because I'm used to it.

Thankfully I don't have a three second memory like my little fishy. I eventually remember that in the end change usually ends up leading to something better. Something better than the filthy water I was swimming around in before. It's not always obvious and it doesn't happen instantly, but it does. For instance, I have to get my fish out of his dirty tank to clean it, right? I can't clean it as well as I need to with him still in it. In the meantime he just floats around in a little cup and waits. I think we find ourselves in our own little cup sometimes, just floating around and wondering what the point is. Why was I taken out of a bigger, better place, and put into this? I don't know. God does, though. Can I tell you how relieved I am about that? Someone better, stronger, wiser has more control over my situation than I do! It might not be the most ideal situation. It might not be the perfect job, or the dream house with the perfect family, the perfect friends or the perfect grades. I might not be where I want to be, but it's temporary.

Finally the tank is clean. I always feel really excited at this point. The walls and his shark-friend are slime free, the water's fresh. He's never as excited as I am, though. I pick up his cup and gently pour him into his now sparkly-home and he tries to swim back in to the little cup. The goofy fish tries to stay in there as long as he can. If only my fish could understand that the quicker he gets into the net, the quicker the whole process would be! Easier, too. He's a fish, though, with his three second memory. He has an excuse for being so silly. Me? I have no such excuse. I still go through the silly cycle of trying to avoid what I perceive to be bad changes (the net, in case my analogy is still as clear as mud) instead of just accepting that I don't need to understand them right this moment. I have to remind myself that the changes will inevitably be good for me. They always are. I just have to swim into the net and trust. He is faithful. He has plans for me that are far greater than my own. 

I could go on and on, but then it'd get even more confusing and strange and tangent-y, so I'll stop here. I don't know what challenges you're facing in life at this moment, but I hope my post made even the tiniest difference. At the very least I hope it reminded you to clean your fish tank! 

In my very first blog entry, I told you that I often refer to song lyrics, so I will leave you with the lyrics from one of my very favoritest songs ever. 

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

- Beautiful Things,  Gungor 

Thanks for reading! As always questions and comments are welcome :) 

Variety is the Spice of Life

If you don't agree, then turn away! This is not the blog for you. 

Still not sure? Let me see if I can help ya decide. 

What NOT to expect:

• Continuity
• Logic
• Political anything
• Depth
• That this blog will look the same every time you visit it
• Perfection

What you WILL see:

• Randomness
• Book stuff
• Fluffy things
• A bit of ranting here and there
• Made up words
• My current obsessions 
• Posts of varying lengths
• Disney references
• Song references (I think in song)
• Guest bloggers (hopefully!)
• Sarcasm
• God talk

See? Variety. I find that life without it tends to be very, very bland. Also, I am incredibly indecisive and hate to limit myself. 

Leave comments and/or questions below. Just know that I won't answer rude comments or what I perceive to be personal questions.